There's only one word I can use to describe myself - but I haven't found it yet, so when I do, I'll let you know. It could be a cross between 'falsetto' and 'West Country', but I don't think that's been invented yet. When it is, I'll put it on the front page of all of my books, of which there are many. You can find me, smiling away, on Amazon and Kindle, which is odd, because most of my novels are Crime Thrillers, complete with big bangs, guns, car chases, brazen hussies and ice cream. I mean, it's not even as though I have a sense of humour. That would be too much to expect, from a man born in Bristol and raised in the clarity of a 60-watt light bulb. Don't expect me to say a word about vampires, or horses, come to that: I was born near to a farm, but had to shout, to get the horses to hear me. That's another field entirely.
When is a 3 not a 3 ? When it’s a Mike Scantlebury Trilogy.
You’ve heard about my ‘Housing Crisis’ series of novels? I started writing in the first weeks of 2020, but then the whole world went mad and I was Locked-Down, literally. The book changed, the story changed. The characters changed. And the plan changed.
The Trilogy changed. As The Spice Girls once said, ‘Two Becomes One’.
Okay, people, it’s time that you met the members of my team.
This is Morris, my Agent. I mean, he looks like a Pussy Cat, right? Don’t you believe it! He has fangs of steel and a grip like a vice. He can slice the flesh off the bones of a contract in minutes, and get to grips with the business like a tiger pouncing on a fawn. Only then, when the signature is on the paper, will he lean back, purr and let you stroke his hair. Spooky, I know.
(What do ya mean, you didn’t think I had a ‘team’. No? You think I can manage all this crazy stuff on my own? Why, only if there’s half a dozen of me – and that’s not likely. Not in this Universe.))
Well, one good thing about Lock-Down and all this ‘STAY AT HOME’ stuff (In Capital Letters) is that I get to finish off a few novels and get them out there, loaded and available to new readers, pushing the steeds out of my stable – which is called, as you know, ‘Scanti-Noir’. (It’s a bit like the books you can get from Sweden and other Scandinavian countries, but that’s ‘Scandi-Noir’ and they are really gloomy. No, I’m not even half way full of gloom. I be a bubbly glass, maties.)
What a day! Isn’t it about time a big shouty man told you that you had nothing more to worry about, because there’s some superhero just flying over the horizon and coming down from the mountain with Good News, all the information you’re going to need to make sense of Life (and important things). Well, that would just be perfect, wouldn’t it?
On the other hand, it might just be another opinion. But if you wanted that – one more opinion, (Well, one more to add to the one you’ve already got – but wait, where did you get that one from? Who gave you that?), it might be time. Yes, it really is about time.
No, I know I haven’t been blogging for a while – but I have been busy.
I’m been working on our radio programme – ‘The Green Giraffes and Worms’ show, over on Salford City Radio, 94.4fm. Yes, you can try it on your dial, but if you live further away than 5km you might hit probs. So, yes, it is available online, mostly. But coincidentally, right in the middle of a week where people are catching a deadly virus, the biggest issue for us is that the internet streaming service went down.
Let’s assume it’s back up and I’ll give you the link. Here it is.
All you need to know is that our show goes out at 11am on a Wednesday, Forgot the name? Don’t worry, just look for the time and day, and you’ll find me, Jane and Jayne right there.
Oh, all right, that is a bit complicated, so I’ll do you a favour. I’ve made a copy of the latest show, and I’ve put it up on SouncCloud. Right, easy. I’ll put a link to that, and all you need to do is click, and whoops, there you are, in the land of the Green Giraffes.
Okay, this is a Blog, and it might seem disingenuous to be talking about another Blog, somewhere else. But here’s the funny thing – my other Blog posts are on that very wonderful site, ‘Goodreads’. It’s a place for books – and readers. Funny, that. I’ve written a dozen Blog posts on GoodReads and not one damn ‘Reader’ has bothered to take time out from their busy scehdules to read those posts. ‘Readers’? Try the word ‘Skimmer’, or ‘Glancer’, or ‘Skipper’. Nobody, it seems, amongst the gang who are happy to call themselves ‘Readers’ will sit down and read a Blog from me, the author. Why? It’s free! (‘Readers’ love ‘Free’. I know. I keep giving away e-books and they’re flying off the shelves. Blog posts – No.)
I know, you thought I was just a boring old writer, someone chained to a desk to churn out words on a daily basis. Well, maybe, but that’s only this year.
Last year I was out on the road, doing exotic dancing with the team. You don’t believe me? But I have the photo evidence. I’ll attach it at the bottom there. Yay, check out the abs.
Want some more? There’s plenty more muscles where those orange ones come from. All you need to do is put your email in this little old box below and I will add your name to the exclusive list known as ‘Mike’s Mates’, people who get notified every month about latest News and that means you can get extracts from the latest nov and bits of the next one.
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It’s Almeria, (that’s Spain, to the likes of you and me), but wait – they’re still in the 1990s. Oh, blessed days, when Manchester was ‘Mad’ (and Salford was merely angry). How things have changed. Progress? I’ll take a soupcon of salt, thank you very muchly.